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Ranked #3 Writer on Medium

Humor

A trip through memory lane via incriminating confessions

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You may know me as the judicious, loving, kindred-hearted ‘Brad Bison’ through my various helpful writings on this website. All of my articles are thoroughly good-natured, family-friendly content for all to enjoy. But before I was the virtuous man you love today, I was a kid. A kid who was very lost. Here are the worst crimes I committed in Elementary school before I turned my life around.

1. Snitching on Julio For Having a Pokemon Card

Ahhh, the advent of the Pokemon craze. I was in first grade at the height of the beautiful insanity of pocket monsters. The creatures became so virulent and distracting in my elementary…


In fact, cheating on your spouse is brave.

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That’s right. You heard me.

Growing up, we are all lead to believe that cheating is bad. I also fell for that farce until I had my eyes opened by the 765,898 articles on the Medium front page espousing betraying spouses. I am so glad I am educated now.

Oh what’s that? I am selfish? Nope. Cheating is one of the most loving things you can do for your partner because if they truly love you they’ll want you to be happy, and what makes me happiest is when I disregard my…


Humor

Should’ve just accepted the 1v1

Photo by Dean Drobot from Shutterstock

It all happened in a flash. I turned, threw a smoke grenade, and fired my grenade launcher out of panic. The “Double Kill +200” flashed across my screen. I was safe from the enemy team for a moment.

Or so I thought.

What I thought was an asset and virtue of mine, getting kills for my team on Call of Duty Warzone, turned out to be my biggest downfall. Apparently, its not good to shoot certain people on the opposing team in a children’s war game.

Look, I try to avoid playing video games, mainly because I think they’re an…


Photo by Pixels Hunter from Shutterstock

So like everyone else on here you think you have the potential to make money off a website with a confounding & frustrating method of getting money producing views. I have made $6,800,878 on Medium, so I am uniquely qualified to tell you what to do. What shall you do?

This is what you’ll do, I will tell you.

1.Get Warmed Up

Yes. Making money on Medium is a sport. So this is what you need to do. Without clicking or logging away from this article, do 100 jumping jacks, touch your toes for 120 seconds, and then plank for a minute. All…


Humor

I’m Starting to Lose it…

Photo from Wikimedia Commons

It’s been 9 hours since I went up that dumbass red escalator. Just wanted to grab a few things. I am so hungry, my legs hurt from walking, and I can’t stop crying. I am about to have a meltdown.

How the hell do I get out of this place? This personal hell? I feel like Bill Clinton in an old folks home, this is the opposite place I want to be.

I need to get home. I was going to use my new sourdough starter and bake a loaf for the first time tonight, now I am stuck in…


Real Estate

All houses shown are in top school districts!

Creative Commons License Photo Via Google

House #1!

What a beautiful exterior on this country home! Let's take a look inside.


Advice

Freedom has never felt so good!

Photo by Sangiori via Shutterstock + Free Use Google Photo

Everybody likes to make a big deal about losing custody of your kids, saying it's sad or whatever. It’s time to put the false narrative to rest that a man losing custody is a negative experience.

1. No More Watching Bad Kids Movies/Shows

That’s right, now you don’t have to watch anti-cinema garbage like Caillou or Paw Patrol anymore.

Children’s shows are unrealistic. They ditch well-written plots and character development in favor of empty visuals and bathroom humor. Frankly, the lack of artistry is offensive.

No more listening to your wife telling you that The Mandalorian was too violent for kids (seriously? It's Disney). Now you can…


Photo By OSTILL is Franck Camhi & CreativeCommons.com

GoArmy.com released its new recruiting plan last week— take advantage of high school athletes who laughably thought they were good enough to play in college then the big leagues.

According to the head of Army Recruiters, Jocko Willink, “It’s pretty easy to get these kinds to join. Get them at their lowest point, when all the kids who focused on school finally move on with their lives and the disillusionment hits when they have to stay in town and take classes at community college. Seeing all these nerds go to college and party while you stay at home, go nowhere…


Humor

Come Experience Depression in the Physical Realm!

Photo from Wikimedia Commons

Here at CVS, we strive to give American’s what they want: a place that reflects the growing mental health crisis and subsequent increase in seppuku. America needed a place that reflected what was going on in their gray, lifeless, joyless minds!

We don’t care about what you want or if you wanna feel comfortable when you shop, we just don’t fucking care at all. Its great.

We make people suffering from depression feel welcome when they pick up their SSRI’s by making our store completely devoid of color, joy, or optimism. The gray color palette reflects how American’s see the…

Brad Bison

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